erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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