I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
