And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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