dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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