You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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