$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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