the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
