how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
