I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
