she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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