What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
