Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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