we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
