someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
