I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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