i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
