nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
