waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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