My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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