so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
