I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
