she was so not down for the gang bang
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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