Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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