ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
