I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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