just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
