If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
