i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
