i jhust puked up my retainher.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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