It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
