So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
