is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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