then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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