Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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