the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
