Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
