nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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