If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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