his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
