I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
