I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
