Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
