I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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