No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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