the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
accomplished twins. life is a go
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
