I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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