God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
