Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
