porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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