i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
