it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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